The Abyss that is New York City Traffic

So this is actually over a month old.  Just about six weeks old, to be more accurate.  But come on, timeliness has never been a trait of this blog, has it?  On June 29, I went to the only Twins game I will see this year, when they played the Mets at Citi Field.  The traffic I encountered on the way in (from the Hutch through the Whitestone Bridge) was an absolute disaster.  It almost ruined the whole trip, but fortunately better things awaited, even if it wasn't a Twins victory.

Nonetheless, I decided then and there never to drive to New York City again.  Granted I knew I would (and already have had) need to drive through the city, but never again would I drive into the city for something.  Unfortunately, the very next day I had to drive my family to the airport as they were heading to Spain for a vacation.  The following is my interpretation of the notes I scribbled down on the drive back, keeping in mind that the deciphering of the thoughts I jotted down just occurred today, well after I originally wrote them.


7:05 PM: I'm just about to leave JFK airport, when I can't find my phone and realize I must have left it at home [It turned out that it had fallen under the seat at some point on the way to the airport].  I notice it's missing only because I wish to send this message: "It's deja vu all over again.  One day after I decided to drive to NYC, I had to take the same exact route and hit the same exact traffic jam, except this time I had to go further.  And it worse going the other way.  I am not happy."

7:09 PM: The parking lot has started on the Van Wyck.  I heard on Seinfeld that "they say no one's ever beaten the Van Wyck" and now I know why.  I also had seen a sign for Rockaway Boulevard, the shortcut Elaine mentions as an alternative, on the trip there, but didn't take it because I had no idea who to go that way.  Anyways, I don't have a book, I don't have my phone, I have nothing to do.  I just have to sit here in the car and wait.

7:19 PM: I'm very hungry.  I only ate a muffin today.  When I originally left the house, I was hoping to be back around 7:30 or 8:00.  Clearly that is not happening.  I am now hoping to get home for 'dinner' by 10:00.  At least there's Chinese leftovers to look forward to!

7:22 PM: My legs are very sore.  I'm quite uncomfortable.  I drove forever last night and am doing it again today.  It's also 84 degrees and I refuse to put the A/C on.

7:26 PM: I'm starting the trip odometer.  I'll check it to see just how fast we're moving.  The speed limit 50 signs are currently mocking me.

7:36 PM: We really sped up there for about five minutes--we've already moved 5.7 miles!  But now the parking lot has reformed.  A sign nearby declares: "Delays to Whitestone."  Golly gee, thanks for the info.

7:39 PM: My right foot is tired.  Commence driving with left foot.  Not like any driving is being done anyways.

7:40 PM: Here are a few things I hate:
>traffic (I wonder why that came to mind?)
>full-service gas- Honestly, why should I have to wait for someone to slowly meander around and get to my car to pump my gas, only to come back WELL after my tank has been filled to return my credit card, when I am perfectly capable of doing it myself?  Seriously, when I pull up to get gas at 2 in the morning and there's literally 10 pumps open, but it takes 15 minutes for the process because there's only one guy working, I am not in a good mood.
>Elizabeth, NJ- Alvaro is right.  I'll joke once in a while about hating New Jersey, but I don't really have anything against it.  But this place is awful.  It's the biggest eyesore I've ever driven through and smells ten times worse.
>the New York Yankees

7:46 PM: At least the Twins won and Carl Pavano dominated.  I wonder how the rest of my fantasy team is doing. [I'm not sure how I'd figured that out without my phone, but it's in my notes so I included it.]

7:51 PM: It's now 88 degrees.  Why is it getting hotter at 8:00 in the evening?  It's becoming increasingly uncomfortable.  I need water.  Oh, and we've moved half a mile in 15 minutes--the odometer's up to 6.2.

7:54 PM: [All I wrote down is exclusivepetservices.com.  I think a van advertising the website drove by, and I had some sort of insightful and/or clever joke to go with it, but this is what happens when you wait six weeks to write about it.]

8:04 PM: Another thing I hate: when people clearly ignore the lane markings and end up cutting in.  It slows everyone down.  Yes, it's possible to forget or miss the signs, and I don't want to indict those people, but most of them were just clearly taking advantage of everyone else who was waiting in line properly.

8:06 PM: The odometer is now up to 6.7, meaning it took me half an hour to move 1 mile.  That's an average speed of 2 miles per hour.

8:11 PM: Just got on the Whitestone Bridge, meaning I also just passed Citi Field.  It looks like it might be clearing up soon.

8:13 PM: Odometer is up to 7.7.  Just did the last mile in 7 minutes!  Almost as fast as I could run a mile!

8:17 PM: At the toll.  Hoping it clears up here.


It ends with that cryptic message.  Fortunately, in this case that was good news.  From there on it was smooth sailing meaning I was unable (and also unmotivated) to write any more.  Why did I bother with this?  I have no idea.  If you made it this far, I'm shocked.  And thank you.